Not long after becoming a Christian in 1997, I was introduced to the idea of praying out loud for others. Prior to that I had always prayed on my own, and so praying out loud was something that I didn’t find easy. I remember when I first used to do it, I found it really difficult, and was often really self-conscious about my prayers and what other people would think about them.
The truth be known, if I knew I might be in a situation, where I would have to pray out loud, I would often get myself worked up and worry about it for ages. Its only now can I see how sad that was, that something as beautiful as simply talking to the Lord could make me feel so uncomfortable.
In retrospect, I think I was more worried about what people thought of me than what I was actually praying about. Sometimes, if we were praying as a group, I would be sat there thinking about what was going to come out of my mouth, and would then kick myself if somebody got in there before me with the same words. I also used to find it really difficult if I was asked to pray for the leaders in the church, as I always felt inadequate and would really stress about it, rather than simply praying from the heart.
Of course I know today that much of it, was the fact that I was so low in confidence, and wanted to try to impress others so that they would accept me. I also think that I used to make the mistake of simply jumping straight into prayer without waiting on the Lord. This meant that I would sometimes babble on, and say whatever came into my head, which when you have a head that thinks like mine, was not always a good thing.
I also used to pray in a way that looking back, was almost like using God as a drug. What I mean by this is, there was lots of time, when I would pray to God to help me feel better in certain situations. I would also pray and ask him to get me out of certain situations, when in fact, I can see now how God left me in them and I grew in faith in response to that. I can see now, how so many of us ask God to remove us from difficult situations, when often the greatest gift is in learning to come through trials of various kinds, as various scriptures remind us.
James 1:2, ‘ Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.’
Romans 5:3-5, ‘Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.’
It’s not easy to ask God to help us come through a difficult situation rather than take us out of it. It seems to go against our instincts, because if it is painful then we generally want to avoid it. At the moment for example, I find myself in a situation that I would love to write about on here, because it is causing me a lot of emotional pain. I can’t write about it however as it involves another person, who would not be happy about this.
I constantly pray at the moment that the Lord would meet with me, and help me to give my hurt to him, yet sometimes, I just want to lash out at the other person. This feeling doesn’t last long though, and I have learnt that the truth is, I don’t want to hurt them, as I know that the other person is in pain, which causes them to act the way they do. Knowing this can help, but I still need to spend time with God and try to put into practice what the Bible teaches us about such matters. Sometimes, I do this well and sometimes I don’t….
Anyway, before I digress too far, despite my difficulties praying out loud over the years, I now generally have peace about it now, and no longer worry about what I sound like or what people will think. Neither do I feel pressure, if I am put on the spot to pray. The reason is that my prayers have got shorter and shorter anyway, and I am also quite prepared to sit in silence until the spirit leads me in prayer ans ay nothing if he doesn’t.
The reason for this is that I believe that generally I have no idea what to pray for anyway. Even if someone asks me to pray specifically for something, I want to be open to what God is saying, as I have learnt in my own life that often what I want and what God wants for me are not always the same thing.
I am also prepared to simply pray the Lords prayer as my opinion is that it covers just about everything anyway, and if its good enough for Jesus its good enough for me.
Matthew 6:9 (King James Version)
9After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
10Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
11Give us this day our daily bread.
12And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
13And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever.
Amen.
